Cravings

I made cookies again today. As my 11-year-old, the typical cookie maker in my house, is on a scouting camping trip, I had to do it. It's not easy.

I've been thinking a lot about cravings. I've talked before about how I really don't have cravings anymore. That is, I can sit there around all kinds of tasty things I like and have no problem. The idea of eating them is out of question. I can look at the case of desserts at the store and mentally pick out the ones I like and the ones I'd choose if I was eating that sort of stuff. But it doesn't really bother me to be around tempting things the way it used to -- when I was still eating them.

Sometimes, though, even though I don't have the kinds of cravings for fatty, sugary food that I used to, I still Just Want It. I want to be able to eat normally. I want to be able to have a small serving of dessert. Or a big one once in a while. I just can't. And I know that.

In that sense, I do feel like the alcoholic who avoids a single drink.

Because who knows where it will lead.

I can start thinking I'll be fine; I start imagining that I can eat a small serving of some prohibited food. But I don't. People gain their weight back all the time, and there is no way I'm going to be one of the people who do.

Size Small???!

When I was picking up my running group shirt, the lady at the counter -- get this -- looked at me and asked if I wanted a small or a medium. I haven't fit in a small shirt since I was about 12. I went with the medium, even though it's slightly big, as even if I could wear a small shirt, I undoubtedly should not. My medium-size running shorts are also getting too big. Here's my question: If I can wear small clothing, what the heck do truly tiny women wear?

7 miles with the group

I had my second run with the running club.

This was a slightly different experience. The run was shorter, and I tried a slightly faster pace group because of it.

What I learned:

1) I really have to kick my training up if I want to sustain a faster pace.
2) Different pace groups have different styles. I stayed with one woman during the entire run. The first time I ran, there was more movement within the group. That might've been a function of the longer distance that day, though.

I started off with the 12-minute pace group, but I apparently drank too much water beforehand, so I needed to make a pit stop at about the 6-mile mark. When I finished, there were my buddies in the 12.5-minute group. So I finished with them. Next week, it's 16 miles, which is why I do need to pay some attention to the nutrition issue, and I'll probably start with the 12.5's.

One of the other running clubs we passed was actually chanting, military style. Thank goodness I didn't join them.

Clarification: Paul's Tired Old Man thing is totally one of his dry jokes.

Nutrition and running

Conventional wisdom: When you run, you need to eat a lot of simple carbs. Fill those muscles back up with glycogen, you know.

Maybe.

All I know is that in my running experiments, I have never a) drank a sports drink b) had a Gu or any other sports-nutrition supplement.

I'm obviously no Kara Goucher. But I don't think consuming those kinds of things would turn me into her.

Don't get me wrong -- I don't have an issue if they work for other people.

I'm not, however, breaking what they call my abstinence for them.

I have been thinking about what I will do for nutrition on my longer runs, and I'm leaning toward my nuts and DHA supplements. Maybe a smoothie. But I've got time to figure it out.

Today's exercise: I got out my resistance bands and did calisthenics today. Group run tomorrow. Let's see if I can get used to the silliness.

Questions, I get questions

Recent questions from readers and people I know:

How long did it take you to lose 90 pounds?

OK, I've been following my eating plan, elementalyou, for nearly two years now. Right now, I'm at a stable place, so it took me about 20 months to hit the 90-pound mark. I lose weight slowly. Why? Well, I'm over 40. When I was younger, I could go on some crazy diet and the weight would fall off. Maybe because of my crazy dieting, maybe because of my Irish/Polish/German peasant ancestry, my body is highly efficient. I just can't (and don't) eat any junk whatsoever.

Are you going to keep losing weight?

Well, I haven't been losing lately. But I plan on taking off at least 10 more pounds.

Why do you want to keep losing weight?

1) It'll be cool to hit the 100-pound mark.
2) I'm still technically "overweight" by BMI charts. I'm still not as lean as I'd like to be.
3) I'll be able to run faster with a bit less weight.

Has your cup size gone down? (Yes, I have really gotten this question. Multiple times.)

No. Unfortunately.

A definitely fun thing I may never do again

I did two things outside of my typical mom schedule yesterday.

I'll mention the later one first. I went to a dive bar and heard bands play.

I so don't do the club thing anymore, but it was accessible and fun. Paul came willingly, with only a little bit of his schtick about how he's a Tired Old Man and shouldn't be doing such things, how he knows what it's like to be my age but I don't know what it's like to be his, how he should be staying home and complaining about his poor aching back, etc., etc.

He thinks he's so funny.

Something felt off while were at the bar -- and it took me a second to realize what it was. The last time I was in that kind of bar, the room was filled with cigarette smoke. Which ain't allowed anymore in California.

But it was a huge blast -- I hadn't seen Beautiful Criminal play plugged-in before.

Now for my possibly-won't-be-repeated-but-wonderful experience.

Breastfeeding talk: I spoke about breastfeeding to an infant development class at L.A. City College. A friend of mine made me a little felted breast for demonstration purposes.

It's been a while since I've done that sort of thing. I talk to a lot of women one-on-one about how to breastfeed, but I haven't given a big talk to such a diverse group before. There were women of all nationalities and ages. (And one man.) When I asked how many had breastfed, about half the hands went up.

Then they started talking about their breastfeeding failures. Is breastmilk really that much better? Was it true that they shouldn't breastfeed with a breast infection? Was my mom right when she told me to stop breastfeeding because I was so stressed out?

I love that kind of challenge.

My goal, of course, is to make people think positively about breastfeeding and positively about seeking help when they have problems. I want them to feel as though no one is blaming them for what they perceive as failures. I give absolution -- but correct misconceptions.

The teacher who invited me to speak told me the presentation went over very well -- and that the students came away with a very positive impression. I definitely could tell I won over the crowd.

I do suspect that some of it, though, was based on appearance, from being "normal-size" and relatively well-groomed rather than obese and looking like an unmade bed. Some people can look neat no matter what they're wearing (Paul is one); I tend to look sloppy unless I've made a concerted effort to clean up -- and it was even harder when I was heavy.

I've done these talks before, and they haven't always gone over as well. I'm convinced I can and do say the same exact things, though -- and I just have more credibility at 160 pounds (and looking like less) than at 250.

I'm considering giving up my association with the organization I represent when I give these talks. (It costs a little bit of money, and there's too much political drama going on regarding it.) That's why it's something I might not do again.

At the same time, I do one of these talks or get the right kind of phone call, and then I understand why I put up with the parts I don't like.

Born to Run author appearance

Born to Run is one of the best books (note I don't say running books) I've read in the last 10 years.

The author, Christopher McDougall, is doing a reading here in LA on Wednesday night. I don't know if I'm going to be able to pull off getting there due to logistics (baseball practice and capoeira!). But I'd love to go.

WHAT: Author reading & signing
Refreshments provided.

WHEN: Wednesday, October 14th at 7pm

WHERE: Traveler's Bookcase
8375 West Third Street
Los Angeles, CA 90048

Running in the morning

I feel so virtuous when I run in the morning.

Yes, I've been a bit of a slug of late. Illness and knee issues haven't helped. But, after yesterday's race, I felt so energetic for the rest of the day that I remembered the addictive qualities of running. I just love how my legs feel for the rest of the day after a run.

So I did 40 minutes today -- with no knee pain. One thing I'm not sure about. I've had my mileage as high as about 30 miles per week. Over the past few months, it's been averaging under 10, as I worked out my knee trouble and cross-trained. The alleged experts say that you shouldn't increase mileage more than 10 percent per week. I generally go so slowly that I haven't really been following that, but I am careful not to increase way too much. My question is this: How conservative would I have to be when I increase mileage again? I mean, I know I probably shouldn't go out this week and run 30 miles, but I could see hitting 20. (I'm already at six this week, and I have a 7-mile group run on Saturday.)

Overheard: My 13-year-old's baseball coach, repeatedly, throughout practice: "You just can't play this game and be really, really stupid."

Oh, I've met some really, really stupid ballplayers. But I get his point.

More baseball: It'd be wonderful to see the Dodgers in the World Series playing either the Yankees (a nice, traditional series) or the Angels (a freeway series!). I'm not that passionate about A.L. baseball this year, though. The Red Sox were annoying me with bad defense during the playoffs. And the White Sox were just annoying in general, not in the least because I have to live with grumpy men when they're terrible.

13-year-old compliment: My son said this the other day: "One thing I love about you, Mom, is that you're not embarrassed about anything -- except the fact that you're bad at parallel parking." Oh, if he only knew.

Music: The Avett Brothers -- folkish trio from North Carolina -- are interesting me right now. They're a Starbucks band (you know -- you can buy their CD featured at Starbucks), which is points against them, as is the big media push they're getting. But they're so good that I'm overlooking that. I get a kick out of looking at current versus older YouTube videos; they were clearly "cleaned up" for popular consumption. The available-at-Starbucks CD has different art, highlighting their better grooming and wardrobe with a band photo.

Santa Monica 5000 race report

OK, this is my second 5K. It was no problem to hit my perpetual goals (run the whole way and don't throw up). I did walk through the one water station, but I'm OK with that.

The crowd was dramatically different than other races I've done. There were very few chubby fortysomethings. I saw only two or three women I knew for sure were older than me. The rest seemed younger.

It was also a much trimmer group -- has to be the Santa Monica effect.

My heroine for the day was a walker, a woman who was at least my age and at least 100 pounds heavier. I was too self-conscious to get out there when I was obese. I have to give her tons of credit. This wasn't a race with a lot of different body shapes.

I got to see a couple of the elite women up close before the race. Their body types were as different from the average (slim) runner there as my heroine the walker's body was. They were teeny-tiny (at least four or five inches shorter than me) and without a gram of fat on them.

The giveaway shirts were the coolest I've ever seen. They were Ed Hardy brand. I'm not a huge fan of his stuff -- too busy and flashy, but the race shirts were almost subdued, particularly for a race shirt. They were so close-fitting that they weren't particularly flattering on any of the women I saw wearing one. They emphasized any little lump or roll.

I don't have my time yet, as I didn't want to wait around for it. It's also a bit of a spiritual exercise -- I need to do things to do them, not to constantly be monitoring and measuring. I've had enough of that in my life.

I don't think I went as fast as last time anyway; I was not exactly well-trained for it, and I felt a lot better at the end. I had more appreciation for the distance (such as it is) this time, and I paced myself better.

For me, of course, I still like to compare my performance with what I would have done a year ago, not even thinking about three or five or 10 years ago. It's nice to have my fitness at a place where I can just go out and run three miles. And it's not a big deal.

The family slept in rather than coming out. There really wasn't a whole lot that would be of interest for them anyway, probably the least of any of the races I've done so far.