Irritation

Every time I buy alcohol from a male clerk now (and, of course, it's not even for me), I have to endure some version of this:

"Are you old enough to drink this?" with the little eye twinkle.

They only say it because it's very clear that I am. And they're being silly.

You know, I'm usually up for banter -- but it has to be intelligent or at least a little bit creative.

That is not.

Clothes news -- and exercise slacking

I bought a Size 6 skirt (obviously generously sized) today at a yard sale that I can wear right now. What planet are we on again?

I also broke down and threw away a bunch of underthings that I could wear at my top weight, although some of them were tight then -- because I've found replacements.

When it comes to exercise, I've been totally slacking. I've been trying to sleep off this cold, which isn't terrible but still makes breathing a challenge. I have been walking with Paul, but my running as well as weight work has been completely neglected.

Body builder nutrition

I went to a lecture today given by some body builders. There was exactly no new information for me about nutrition -- but I didn't consider it a complete waste.

The best part about it was getting to use their little body-fat monitor. I learned something there -- the hand-held body fat monitors measure the body fat in your chest and the scale-based body-fat monitors measure primarily your lower-body fat based on how electric currents work.

They used a different kind of device where they measure one side of your body, which is apparently more accurate. That would definitely be the case for me, as my body fat is low below the waist and higher above it. Note to self: Stop using the hand-held body-fat monitors!

Of course, they won't actually tell me my body-fat percentage with their supposedly super-accurate device until they call me to give me a sales pitch. But it'll be interesting.

'It will change your life'

One of the rip-off diet companies, where they charge you for terrible, overprocessed food, has this new ad out. The newly thin 30-something woman talks about how doing Rip-Off Diet Company "will change your life."

Getting thinner does change your life in some ways. Heck, in many ways.

But it really doesn't ultimately Change Your Life in the way those ads are implying. It doesn't make all problems disappear (and it can create new ones). It doesn't turn a naturally happy person sad or vice versa. And -- when you lose weight you still have Your Stuff to deal with.

For some people the Stuff gets worse, as it's not uncommon for people to eat excessively in order to avoid emotional upset. One of my friends ending up being a lot less of a doormat with her children after she stopped eating sugar, wheat or flour. The roughest patch -- ever -- between Paul and me occurred shortly after I went on the diet (and didn't last long).

I really think (heck, I know) that a lot of heavy people postpone life, postpone it until they're thinner. And -- when they're thinner -- and life isn't really all that different except the clothes are smaller, it can be a big let-down. I think that's why so many people gain their weight back. When you're losing, you get lots of positive (external!) feedback and every day is interesting on that level; once you've stabilized, that lessens.

One thing I have liked about this plan is that I felt so much better immediately. I was still fat at first, but I felt thin right away. For me, that's when my life changed the most dramatically, when I first went on the plan.

But, ultimately, I think those diet ads are pretty sad. Those diet plans don't change anybody's life, as they offer limited training in real-world eating.

I also think that if changing your body size is something you think is going to Change Your Life, you're setting your sights way too low.

Today's run

I got an "official" 1.90 miles in today in 24:33. I also had some "operator error" as I forgot the, uh, "start" button, so I had been out there for a few minutes before I started measuring distance. The Forerunner is fun to play with, but I could see it getting me compulsive. Instead of running at a 10-to-11-minute mile pace when I'm running "easy," it's closer to a 12-to-13-minute pace. Which makes so much more sense.

I'm still sore, so I'm running rather stiff-legged -- and I've got a cold, but I definitely wanted to play more with the toy.

Muscles

Paul is getting a kick out of my sudden muscularity. Of course, I'm only "muscular" compared to me in the past.

"You're trying to get ready to beat up The Old Man," he teases. "The Old Man" is his latest name for himself. The goof.

He's safe, though, because he can still outrun me. At least for a short distance.

P.S. To my regular reader in or near Panorama City -- I'm curious as to who you are!

Sore!

I am sore from yesterday's exercise class, which I didn't expect. I'm hoping that after playing in the ocean today I'll be up for running tonight.

Internal vs. external sources of motivation

I've been thinking and reading a lot about motivation lately.

I've always thought a lot about motivation in terms of my kids. I want them to be driven less from a desire to please others (even me) than a desire to please themselves and to do high-quality things.

Paul has always been great -- almost too great -- at being internally motivated. I try to be a "do what I say I'm going to do" kind of person, with varying degrees of success. He's always questioning my commitments at a core level. Which is good. And occasionally annoying, of course, as it's not time to question why I've agreed to do something when I'm ready to walk out the door to do it.

All this, of course, is related to both weight and running.

One thing that weighing only once a month does is that it separates the way I'm eating from any scale-based "results." I've lost weight in the past by eating much less nutritiously. Watching the scale numbers go down is motivating, but it sometimes rewards unhealthy behavior.

So, I'm eating the way I do because it's good for me. At least that's how I have to look at it. Losing weight is a happy side effect. It certainly happens rather slowly now, but I don't plan to ever change the way I'm eating. I'm not saying I won't -- but right now I can't imagine it.

When it comes to running, I've usually just gone out there. Sometimes, I would measure (and, of course, I was wrong), but I was just enjoying getting out there. I was also enjoying the (incorrect!) idea of my speed -- there we go with the external motivation.

I am messing with the Forerunner a little, but I know myself. I know my tendency to fall into ways of motivating myself that aren't, ultimately, good for me -- that keep me focusing on the wrong things. Of course, I'm tempted to buy one (and, I have to say that having electronics lust rather than baby lust is nice for a change). And I still might. But, if I do, I'd want to be sure I'd stay mindful.

Playing with the Forerunner

One of my homeschooling buddies loaned me his Garmin Forerunner today.

What a kick that thing is.

I did find the source of the mileage discrepancy I was dealing with. A loop I thought was 7/8 of a mile is only 5/8 of a mile. So, when I was doing eight of them and thinking I was doing seven miles, I was really doing only five miles. That's quite bit of a difference.

So, I can pretty much throw out the vast majority of the mileages on my posts.

And, yes, heavy sigh, I'm OK with that.

Sometimes it's nice to be avoiding reality, and I apparently had been for a while.

I mostly walked the distances, but I did run one exactly 11-minute mile while I was measuring. It wasn't my "lazy" pace, but it wasn't anywhere near as fast as I can go either.

I'm thinking that messing with this for a couple of days might be motivating.

Today, I also did a little exercise class with the kids that was led by another homeschooling dad -- who's a heckuva lot of fun. He clearly likes people and is very good at making everyone feel comfortable.

How to eat at restaurants -- on plan

The secret is to know the menu ahead of time.

Most places (even nice ones) have their menus available online. I'll pick out a few potential items I think I might be able to have and then ask questions when I get there.

The servers are the best help. I'll be all apologetic, "I'm so sorry, but I'm on this goofy diet and I don't have added sugar (or honey or maple syrup). Can you tell me what's in such-and-such?" And, yes, since I'm in L.A., they're used to all forms of food weirdness.

I'll generally ask for no dressing rather than getting it on the side (and enduring Paul's "high maintenance" cracks and mock eye-rolling -- he thinks he's particularly funny because I'm one of the least high maintenance people ever). On my plan avoiding the slightest bit of sugar or flour is crucial. The vast majority of dressings have sugar added.

I find that approaching an out-to-eat experience without a plan makes it much easier to fall off a diet. I remember before I went on eYou, I'd have good intentions about what I was going to order, but those would go out the window.

This whole rule thing really helps. There's no discussion. I just don't eat sugar, wheat or flour. If it's in something, I don't eat it. I'm not religiously a fundamentalist, but I'm a food fundamentalist. It does make things less complicated.

Expectations

I've been a little down about the race.

Of course, it was fine. Could I have done it a year ago? No way. So that, in itself, is a good thing.

The source of my frustration is, of course, my expectations. And my attachment to them. Yes, I'm going all Buddhist on you for a bit.

I expected to run under a 10-minute mile, based on my incorrect measurements. I'm shocked that I didn't. But, if I hadn't been expecting that, I would've been much more happy about it all. What I ended up with (10:31) would've been a decent pace for a marathon; for a 5K, it's just not.

So, now, I'm torn. Do I do what I've been doing and concentrate on time and the pure pleasure of moving my body aerobically (and sometimes anaerobically)? Which I have been totally enjoying. Or do I try to actually improve my time for a reliably measured distance?