I've gotten into some bad habits on the diet, and I need to straighten up again.
The way I "cheat" would appear incredibly innocuous (I'm not confessing specifics so as not to give people also on the plan any ideas -- there is no sugar or wheat or flour involved, of course), but I know it has an effect. I just shouldn't be doing it. I can (maybe) when I'm finished losing weight. But I'm not there yet.
I'm thinking I've hit another psychological plateau and I might be unconsciously sabotaging myself yet again. I had trouble breaking the 200-pound mark, even after losing nearly 50 pounds. Now, I seem to be having trouble with the 170-pound mark. I need to get used to this body again, I guess.
So, I lament the slowness of my weight loss; at the same time, I think it has been going slowly for a reason. Changing too quickly brings on things I'm really not read to handle yet, at least that's what I always seem to feel before I'm "there."
OK, I know I'm obsessive. I can't tell you how much I love this man's blog. It's wacky and surreal and has little private webcam concerts! Reading it gives me flashbacks to my pre-marriage and pre-kids days.
I feel like such a mom when I read it, so settled and so happy -- but enjoying a glimpse into a life so unlike mine.
I can't eat this (dextrose is even in the duck I bought), but I'm making it tonight. I've got some adventurous eaters. The duck, which I have never made before, was found in what used to be called "the bad food bin" in my house -- the reduced-to-clear section of the grocery store. If Paul is around, I don't hide my acquisitions from the "manager's special" section. We just don't talk about them or even think the phrase "bad food bin."
He says it always reminds him of his mother, who used to say this to his father: "Eat this, Quinton -- it's about to go bad."
This is another blogger meme, which I am discovering thanks to a friend, who does a lot of them: memegrl.blogspot.com
#1. What’s your favorite carbonated beverage?
I used to drink way too much Diet Coke. About a month before I went on my diet, I stopped and switched to unsweetened tea. It made me realize I actually could give up sugar and artificial sweeteners and be OK with it.
Now, I like Crystal Geyser sparkling water, particularly the lime or lemon flavors.
#2. What’s your favorite spicy food?
If it's spicy, I love it. I do lean toward salsa especial from Trader Joe's. I also like jalapeno-stuffed olives.
#3. How do you handle hot dishes? Oven mitt, pot holder, towel?'
All of the above, but usually a mitt.
#4. Ice cream. How do you like yours?
I don't eat it. When I did eat it, I wasn't particularly fussy -- all of it is good. It's another thing I don't really miss now, though. If I thought about it too much I could probably start missing it again, though, so I'm not going to write down all my favorite flavors.
It looks like we'll be having mashed potatoes and chili for Thanksgiving. I woke up this morning to a poor child throwing up in my bed. He's now sleeping and feverish in that same -- now cleaned -- bed. I'm not feeling up to snuff, either, so we won't be subjecting our friends to our illness. I was in charge of the mashed potatoes (always a good thing because that way I'll be able to eat them), and I have leftover chili. No turkey, though, as the one I bought a couple of weeks ago is still frozen. So there you go.
Tiffany, who has known me for forever, at least by my California standards, says the biggest change since I've lost weight is I'm "mouthier." Paul says the biggest physical change is to my face; Tiffany says it's "the wardrobe."
I'm not sure how much mouthier I am, and my face just has more distinctive features now -- but I definitely dress better. Instead of shopping the Target clearance racks for anything that fits and is cheap, I have much more exacting standards about cut and fit than I used to. I'm still shopping the Target clearance racks, but there's a much larger assortment of items in the Medium and Large section than in the XXLs. I also can go beyond Target. Any store that carries women's clothing has clothes that'll fit me. Now.
Also, I do wear heels a lot.
Because I can.
When I was heavier, I couldn't walk in them for very long. I thought it was just from getting older; now, I have no problems.
It's amazing, too, how much more choices there are once you get into the range of normal sizes. I have a lot of trouble with pants length -- I need a "tall" in pants, even though I'm only 5'6" or 5'7". That was hard to find in plug sizes, but it's easy now.
I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep at 1:30 a.m. early Tuesday. Paul and I have this ongoing little discussion about what you should do when that happens. He tends to stay in bed and ruminate and worry about how tired he's going to be in the morning. I get up and putter around -- check and answer my email, do a load of laundry, read something, take a bath. So I was doing all that when, suddenly, it was 5 a.m.
I was hoping to go to a concert that night, so I knew I needed to get some sleep or I'd have absolutely no chance of getting there. So I went to bed. At 9:30, my daughter is waking me up (I'm usually the one waking her up, at her request, at 7) -- we had a date to go running with friends at 10 a.m. We had a full day of classes after that, so I needed to rush out of the house, and I skimped a bit on the grooming. What that meant is that I didn't take the flat iron to my hair so it was nice and "big." I think I threw minimal makeup on, but I can't remember.
All yesterday, I was "ma'am" again.
I'm occasionally, but not usually, "ma'am" anymore.
I got an hour's worth of walk/running in today -- some of it along the oceanfront path in Santa Monica while the kids were in a class on plankton gathering, of all things. L.A. has its share of inconveniences, so I try to indulge myself with its pleasures and unique aspects as often as I can. I'm going to see what happens if I increase the frequency of my runs, as I'll have another chance to do one tomorrow while the daughter is in her capoeira class; there's a park with a nice jogging path nearby.
One of the cool thing about having babies is that it gave me great body confidence. In the past, I couldn't (I thought!) run or be at all athletic -- but I could do a great job giving birth and breastfeeding. I could cope with the pain and I could work through any issues with nursing. Using my body for what it was biologically intended to do empowered me so much. Before, I used to live too much in my head; I credit having babies with inspiring any minor athleticism that I accomplish now.
At the same time, I get irritated now over silly things related to this body, which I am generally so positive about. When I sit at the computer, I have so little padding on my butt that I hurt. My legs are getting so thin that the midpoint of my thighs doesn't touch, even when my feet and knees do. All that would be fine -- except I still have a pretty substantial belly. More than a certain "ideal weight," I'll stay on the plan until that belly is significantly reduced.
I've lost 90 pounds since October 2007. And I still have more to go. There are lots of great things about having lost the weight; there are other things that have been difficult. I also write about my running and activity -- primarily so I have a record of it.
Now, though, I will be gaining some weight again -- as I'm due with my fifth child in early December. People (quite rudely) ask if I were planning to get pregnant. I'm 44; I always say we were "shocked but happy." I'm still following my diet plan; exercise has tapered off a bit, but not completely.
See the link to the plan I'm following below. Per FTC disclosure laws, I will mention that I received the elementalyou services for free. Additional services I have received free from Tiffany include her being the doula at my third child's birth as well as her providing child care and educational instruction to my children and her making me countless meals and margaritas (before I went on plan).