Favorite things

Sale
The LF stores twice-yearly sale, at a warehouse within walking distance of my place. A lot, if not most, of the stuff still doesn't fit me. A lot, if not most, of it is pretty inappropriate for a 41-year-old. That said, I was in no way the oldest or the fattest woman in the big community dressing room. And, heck, I'm in SoCal, where everyone behaves/dresses inappropriately. So bring it on.

My favorite fellow customers are the ones who are bigger than me trying to cram themselves into Size Smalls.

I have all kinds of excuses now for buying new clothes, although I'm trying to be restrained. My sizes are starting to drop more quickly. But, realistically, shirts probably will keep on fitting me for a long time. I like the LF sale, where a T-shirt marked $72 is selling for $8 or the hair elastic tagged $42 with the giant plastic rhinestone sells for $5. I'm sure the shirts are still overpriced, but they're cut a little better and from higher quality materials than the $8 Target T-shirt.

"Everybody Knows" by Ryan Adams

Slacker radio played this one for me yesterday. Wow. What an incredible song. Here's the link on YouTube.

I'm not -- thank God -- in a relationship like the song talks about, as I got darn lucky when Paul and I got together 15 years ago this month. Paul credits divine intervention that neither of us managed to mess things up very early on, as my typical pattern was to be less-than-encouraging or even hostile to suitors who were actually appropriate and his typical pattern was to have a very quick thumb when the slightest female imperfection became apparent.

But I've been there in the past -- who hasn't? -- and Adams is amazing. I've been resisting listening to him as all I heard were the stories about a) how brilliant and b) what a jerk he is. I see now that a) is right and who cares about b)?

Proud of myself

Today, I ran past the fire station, a garbage truck and some gardeners. Without any incident of harassment. I wasn't going to do it -- but then I decided that any obnoxiousness reflects nothing on me. Which is the conclusion I always draw when I'm being rational, but not always the conclusion I draw when I'm about to run past.

No need for speed

I just read this great book on running: No Need for Speed by John "The Penguin" Bingham.

He started out running older and fatter (at least now) than I am.

The whole premise of the book is that it's important to start pretty slowly, with a good mix of walking.

So, today, I walked 5 minutes, jogged 3; then walked 5, jogged 3; walked 5, jogged 2; walked 6, jogged 1 -- then walked the 3 or so minutes home.

That made it possible to get more time in.

Places I'm smaller that I didn't expect

My head. I wear a smaller hat size now, and I can feel my sun hats drooping down. Twenty-five pounds from now, a "regular" woman's hat might fit, instead of the ugly unisex ones.

My fingers. My wedding ring has a spacer in it now so I won't lose it. This is the wedding ring that I wasn't wearing because it didn't fit and I didn't want to get it expanded again. I put it on again last Thanksgiving, which felt appropriate. I guess I did expect this because I certainly remember my ring getting tighter, but I wasn't focused on the fact that it would get looser.

My neck and shoulders. While we were talking before going to sleep last night, Paul commented on how much smaller the space between my shoulders is. One friend I see rather irregularly has pointed out that I have clavicles now.

Last year

Yesterday

Weigh-in after 1 full year

Today is my 367th day on the elementalyou plan. I went and visited Tiffany, got on the scale and got measured as well.

I'm down another 4.2 pounds. Not bad. That brings my official total to 75.2 pounds.

The part I was happiest about, though, was losing 2 inches from my waist and 1.5 inches from my belly. (Tiffany measures the smallest part of my midsection as well as a place two inches below my navel.) Nothing came off the chest, of course, but I also lost a half-inch from each of my calves and my thighs.

Food porn

I went to Surfas today, which has gourmet food items as well as chef's supplies.

Wow.

I've been there before, but I don't think I've gone since I've been back in L.A. It was pure food fantasy. Even the cooking equipment just got my imagination going. All the things I could make! I was probably there a good half hour. My curious 6-year-old also prolonged the trip because she had to ask about all the products.

Speaking of food porn, a phrase I stole from Allen Zadoff who wrote Hungry, although I know he didn't invent it. I've also been into Nigella Lawson lately. I love her How to Eat book. I can't eat some of her recipes, but a lot of them are not a problem -- and the simple, yet rich and flavorful cooking is just what I need. 

I hadn't seen her show, but I'd read about her and knew she embodied a sort of cliched voluptuous sexuality, the kind I get accused of just by virtue of my figure, so I looked on YouTube. She is a big ol' tease. Almost campy. I like her books better.

Oh, and I was so happy about my weigh-in this morning that I had a little bounce in my step and was feeling a nice lack of self-consciousness. So I accidentally gave the Surfas clerk one of my big smiles, the kind I'm trying to be careful about. It only seemed friendly when I was 200+ pounds, but now somehow it gives people other ideas. Maybe clerks, too,  just aren't used to people treating them nicely and as a fellow person. Who knows. After the little smirking "She wants me" expression, I got embarrassed and annoyed and treated him like the machine he is used to being seen as.

Cool thing I can (but can't!) eat

Tiffany, goddess of the great elementalyou.com plan, was all excited to show me a new product: Mary's Gone Crackers, which are crackers made only of rice and seeds. Like Ry-Krisps, they are allowed on the plan.

The problem?

They have an incredibly satisfying (and addictive) crunch. It's like eating chips. I made the mistake yesterday of trying to eat them out of the box, which is something I thought I could handle. Wrong!

If they are going to be part of the things I can eat, I'm going to have to separate them out into servings and put them in bags or something. They'll be nice to have for one of my on-the-go days, but only if I have the portions pre-measured and ready to take with me.

Surprising things about running (at least things I didn't know)

1) All this talk of endorphins is real. I never believed it before. It's the closest thing I've experienced to a "birth high" outside of giving birth. I don't think I've hit a true "runner's high" yet, but what I'm getting is pretty wonderful.  

2) Everyone seems to huff and puff. I thought because I couldn't run without panting it meant I was too out of shape to run. Guess not. That was a big misconception that certainly kept me from doing it when I was younger and it would've been good.

3) When I was younger, I used to get heckled when I'd try to run. By young men, often in groups. It was undoubtedly related to the bounce factor in addition to the Big Jerk factor. I don't get heckled anymore, which makes me feel much less self-conscious about the whole thing.

4) Since I'm taking it easy, I don't feel as though I'm at risk for injury. I don't feel sore anymore, just good, after one of my jogs.

5) When I'm not running in a group, when I can't see how slow I'm going and how hard I'm working in comparison with everyone else, it can actually be fun.

Day 364

Wednesday is my anniversary on the plan. It'll be one year.

I have a weigh-in today or tomorrow, and I can tell from the way the clothes fit that it has been a decent month. 

Road trip

The musical theme of this road trip came courtesy of the band Chicago. 

It seems every trip has a dominant act or song, and I like to name a theme. Driving across the desert, though, you get a lot of oldies. Or country music -- but my oldest seems to have an almost physical aversion to country, so I didn't force him to listen.

I got up at 5:30 this morning and got 30 minutes on the treadmill before hitting the road from beautiful Kingman, AZ. This was a fairly short and uneventful trip.

Paul drove a lot more than usual, which was a nice switch. 

Off the hook

My brother had been talking to me about donating a kidney to him. I had almost done it when I was in my 20s, but he had gotten another non-live (how's that for a euphemism?) donor and that kidney has worked for 14 years.

Now he needs another. 

He, understandably, doesn't want to have to go on dialysis, and I'd rather he didn't as well.

At the same time, I have a husband and children now, and I need to focus on their needs. He's childless, and I don't think he gets it.

When he heard about my weight loss, he got all excited, thinking I'd be a better donor that way. 

This visit, though, he basically took me off the hook. He says I'm too small, that it's better for men to donate to men anyway.